My Name Is Eileen. I Am A Freakazoid. Hello.
... *poke* ... *sniff* ... *poke* ...
Wednesday, September 28, 2005

i'm just a teenage dirtbag, baaaybeee!


today i went to buy cigarettes.


they checked my ic.


i am so amused.

i actually burst out laughing in the store, right in front of the lady's face, when she asked me for my ic.

and she had this really suspicious look on her face when she peered at me - the way a policeman would survey a convict. up and down, up and down. frown, frown, frown.

to give her credit, she was just doing her job. and i salute her for not looking shocked when she looked at my ic, and realised that i was TWENTY FREAKING FIVE years old, instead of some young 16 or 17 year old punk.


oh yes. i am so verily terribly hugely amused.

oh wow.

i look young!




in other news.

thanks to those that have been concerned over the past weeks.

yes, i've been goin through a particularly rough patch, but i'm pulling through. i think.

i guess there will always be rough patches in life. and i will always be falling flat on my face in the stinking mud (seeing as how i am such a klutz.)

but i'll just have to continue dragging myself out and onwards.

at the end of that pain in the freaking arse shitty mud filled rough patched road, is an air conditioned haven of never ending booze, cigarettes, good food, money, and love.

and by god, i am getting there, one way or other! even if i have to crawl in the doors hanging on by a silk thread of life. dammit.

i'll be ok. i always am.

thanks again for all the concern, guys. :)

for now, though, i'm battling a fever. which may be dengue. bummer.



oh, yes..

SID - i'll do the meme soon. fever's fried my brain cells and i need to generate new ones. brain no work so good right now. heh. ;)

Friday, September 23, 2005


"can i have your order, ma'am?"

"yes, can i get 2 filet-o fish, 2 large fries and 2 cheeseburgers please."

"er... no beef."


"there's no beef after 3am."


"no beef."

"...... fine. then make that 3 filets and 2 large fries."

"ok. 3 filets and 2 large fries. delivery within an hour. thank you for calling. enjoy your meal."

"thanks. bye."

NO BEEF! NO BEEF! after 3am.

repeat after me - WTF?!

whats the point of 24 hour delivery if i can't get no cheeseburgers at 3am?! rubbish!

i don't know if i should be amused or irritated.


Tuesday, September 20, 2005

the world is a disgusting, crappy, shitty, fucked up, screwed up, horrible place.

human beings are disgusting, crappy, shitty, fucked up, screwed up, horrible creatures.

i don't like it very much anymore.

i wish i had amnesia.

i wish i could wake up and be blissfully ignorant of everything.

i don't want to be here right now.

but i am.

and i really don't want to be.

Monday, September 19, 2005

genetic disorder of the brain

the following is an email i received from my mother.

we were planning a family outing to Sizzler for my dad's birthday lunch, where i was supposed to bear the cost for myself and my dad, and my mum would bear the rest.

i had asked her to handle the reservations and let me know the plan.

Dear Bunny,

I haf researched Sizzling's! Und here is de plan for feeding daddy - he cn haf the most expensive $9.99 pork chop main meal (acuarry for kids lah). Anyway you say he cant eat much, izznit?

As for us, orinerry pipple, whoever eat main meal cannot order salad, and Vice versa. or else I pok lah.

So remember, you paying for Dear Ol' Dad and Yerself. (if u like u can oso order kids meal). We save on drinks by smuggling our own wine in, ok? We all drink wine, sammy can haf der bottle (underage).

Err- waddabout cake? u n sammy wann to bake one banananana cake? ask anty to help

i am flabbergasted.

both by my mother's horrendous "engrish" abilities and use of "teeny shortforms" (oso?! haf?! der?! WTF!), as well as her deviousness when it comes to "saving" money.

well, now you all know where i get it from.

insanity and lunacy are genetic. confirmed.

NOTE: yes, most of my mother's horrendous english is done on purpose. which makes it even more insane, when you think about it.

the shortforms, however, i am sad to say, is REALLY how she normally types. sigh.

Friday, September 16, 2005


I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline of the edge
And where I walk alone
Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

i hate you.

i hate you even more because you made me hate you.

phua chu kang lost his boots

and i stole them and painted them baby blue.



this is why you should always bring me shopping with you - so that i can provide free entertainment.

other events that occurred included me not knowing how to put on dresses properly. which resulted in me getting semi-stuck in one dress. and also resulting in 2 female friends having to "assist" me with getting another dress on.

all this, and more retarded acts, took place on the open shop floor, and not in fitting rooms. in front of other people.

i am such a DORK.

but its so fun! ;)

Monday, September 12, 2005

out of order eyes

my mother is convinced that my headaches are a result of my eyes. she claims my eyesight is deteriorating from too much straining and reading in bad not-bright-enough light.

and she is insisting on dragging me to an eye doctor to get my eyes checked.

which means i may have to get specs. or contacts.


i tried telling her that i have perfect eyesight (which even i don't believe. my eyesight, like almost everything else on my body, is wonky.) but she isn't falling for it.

then i tried to tell her that i can't wear specs, cos having something sitting on the bridge of my nose for too long gives me a headache too. (weird? not really. i get headaches from wearing hairbands too.) but she insists thats rubbish.

then i told her that i can't wear contacts either cos my eyes get really dry and sensitive and they water easily (which is the absolute truth.) but she's not listening.


i look like a dork in glasses. and i will slap you if you even so much as bring up any kinky teacher/librarian/whatever porno references.

i'm gonna chain myself to my steel-framed huge-ass double decker bed so she can't drag my ass to no freaking eye doctor.


Sunday, September 11, 2005

stupid head...


for the past... 55 freaking bloody goddamned shitty pissed-on disgusting horrendously pathetically extremely painful hours.

continuous pain. constant stomach churning. perpetual feel-like-puking.

why did i have to get the migraine that affects the stomach. whywhywhy.

excruciating please-shoot-me-now-oh-my-god-i-want-to-jump-out-the-window-and-kill-myself-NOW pain.

55 hours. and counting.

head going to explode. implode. detonate. kaboom. brain ejects from head. SPLAT.

wake up - head pain.
go to sleep - head pain.
sit up - head pain.
lie down - head pain.
walk around - head pain.


ADD SALT TO WOUND #1 : still must work THROUGHOUT ENTIRE WEEKEND even though head pain until want to stab myself in the eye with a plastic fork - data entry SUCKS ASS.

ADD SALT TO WOUND #2 : no partying THE ENTIRE WEEKEND. at all. never even step out of the goddamned bloody house.

(although, it must be said that DOOFUS was also against the idea of me venturing out this weekend. in his words of wisdom -


and i'm supposed to be the paranoid one.)

ADD SALT TO WOUND #3 : mother nagging me about getting married. again. for the dunno how many million-th bloody time.


Sunday, September 04, 2005

ha! i just couldn't help bursting out in laughter when i first saw this comic. this is such a typical scenario when it comes to DOOFUS and me.

men. pfft. women. pfft. humans. pfft.

i am going cross eyed and i have a bitch of a headache.

spending my entire weekend working is worse than having all the hair on my body tweezed out, strand by strand. excruciatingly painful. ugh.

spending an average of 12 hours a day in front of a computer screen, squinting at miniature words from directories, and pounding data into an excel file is NOT BLOODY GODDAMNED FREAKING FUN. not at all.

i hate. oh, how i hate.

miserable existence. utterly depressing.

to make matters worse, TWO different groups of my friends went out to O BAR for their requisite dose of weekly (daily, for some.) debauchery and alcohol-watering and nicotine-fumigation.

what kind of rubbish is this! the one night i cannot join them, they go and have such immense fun.


bummer me left right center upside down.

i'm going to wallow in self pity now.

leave me be.

goodbye, cruel world!


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