My Name Is Eileen. I Am A Freakazoid. Hello.
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Friday, June 17, 2005

talking to myself

i'm still feeling very tired, very lethargic, very moody - just generally in a major downer of a funk.

my body is starting to act up. its gone all wonky and screwy.

i'm starting to lose interest in alcohol.
i'm starting to lose energy for going out.
i'm starting to withdraw into my shell.
i'm starting to get cranky and jumpy and irritable.
i'm starting to nitpick.
i'm starting to feel tired all the time - no matter how much i sleep, its never enough.
i get so hungry, but when food is in front of me, i lose my appetite half way and can't finish it. then i get hungry again after awhile. but the same cycle repeats.

what's wrong with me?

i think i'm burning out.

i've been riding on a whirlwind of activity since the start of this year and maybe its time for me to take a break. the reason(s) i embarked on that whirlwind of decadence and excesses has long since ceased to be important to me. the wounds have healed (or so i hope).

but now, i find myself faced with new issues. a whole different set of stuff to deal with.

i have a lot on my mind. a lot to think about. a lot to consider. a lot to ponder.

decisions to make. i need to think long and hard. i need to weigh the good and bad. i need to ask myself questions and force myself to answer truthfully.

but i'm worried. about making the wrong decision. about making a decision on impulse. about making a decision, but not being able to carry it out.

i realise i've been in a philosophical mood recently. is that good or bad, i don't really know.

maybe i just think too much.

perhaps.

i know i deserve so much more. i know it.


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