Wednesday, May 25, 2005
the requisite "star wars" post
seems like almost every ah beng, ah seng and ah kow has done their posting on episode III. so now it's my turn to jump into the fray. eh, i also want to take part in the fun, cannot ah?
right then. a little late, but still, here goes - my take on REVENGE OF THE SITH.
WARNING : if you haven't watched the movie yet, and don't want me to spoil it for you, i suggest you skip this post till you have watched it. you'll probably be able to better appreciate my points as well after you've seen it for yourself.
kick ass, yoda does! and oh, how that little green "muppet" cracks me up. a classic example of "good things come in small packages", maybe? heh.
what was up with ewan mcgregor's acting, dudes?! yes, he did have some great scenes, especially the one on mustafar when he screams at anakin after cutting off his legs. that one was credible, at least.
but what about the scene when he plays back the battle in the jedi temple and sees anakin doing all those horrendous things?!
he had as much emotion in him as my soggy french fries have before i stuff them in my mouth - limp limp limp.
and i'm supposed to believe he's utterly devastated?! i actually physically cringed while watching that scene. horrendous, it was. shudder, i did!
and the saddest part is that i happen to think ewan mcgregor is a fairly impressive actor. i just don't know what the hell happened to him in this movie. methinks they're taking the whole ""a jedi shall not know anger. nor hatred. nor love." abit too far.
E.M. : "hmm. jedi cannot know anger. cannot know hatred. cannot know love. which means cannot show feelings. so must act like i'm a block of wood, even though i'm so devastated i want to slice myself in half with my uber cool lightsaber. ok lah. what to do. must be proper jedi, mah. time to put my "stoner" face on and talk in a monotone."
R2-D2 is THE droid of droids. that little white trash-can-on-wheels lookalike is some kinda freakin awesome COOL. smarter and more stylo than 3/4 of the entire jedi council put together (by this i mean excluding yoda, mace windu, obi-wan, and anakin)
now. if only i could understand what he's saying when he goes "beep beep beep beep beep". eh, hello, nowsadays got such thing as subtitles for a reason you know?! stop making me try to guess what the robot is saying! driving me bonkers!
all hail the new M.A.D. - MOST AWESOME DROID - of 2005, mr. R2-D2!!
none of the fight scenes took my breath away. oh, there was some good stuff, for sure. but just not good enough. the best lightsaber fight scene is still the darth maul / qui-gon jinn / obi-wan kenobi battle from episode I. nothing else comes close. how disappointing.
i dont care what anyone says - GENERAL GRIEVOUS IS LAME LAME LAME!
dude! come on! i was expectin grievious to be some kinda kickass villian, after all the hype.
but he's PATHETIC! he looks like a lanky, walking scrap pile that was hastily assembled by someone with a really bad hangover.
and he coughs. what kinda villian is he supposed to be?! maybe he's been smokin too much.
[edit : EYERIS points us to the animated series, clone wars for the answer to this, as well as a couple of other questions ROTS may have raised. read his post HERE.]
the only good thing was the 4 lightsaber wielding that he performed. and even that was shortlived because obi wan manages to chop off 2 of his pathetic robot arms (and he does it quite easily too. hmph.)
and someone PLEASE! tell me what was the end of that battle between obi wan and grievous all about?! grievous has a "heart" thingie and he's supposed to be some kick ass villian robot thingamajig, but all he has protecting this vital part of him is some lame assed pathetic metal covering that can be simply forced / peeled aside?!
if that is not utter stupidity, then i really don't know what is.
you see?! darth maul is so "fierce"! how to compare, general grievous?! no fight, man.
ok lah. i'll admit that grievous has a kinda cool "head" portion. but the rest of his body is still a pile of scrap metal.
anakin's crossover to the dark side was completely totally anti-climatic to the max! it just seemed.. so easy! somehow, i expected something more. something more dramatic. i feel let-down. damn.
the entire movie seemed.. messy. somehow. like they were tryin to answer too many questions and tie up all the loose ends while linkin everything to episode IV. it became a bit like one of those movies that throw too many things inside then become all jumbled up and "cha-pa-lang".
i've been wanting to say this for the longest time - count dooku is a cuckoo! isn't he supposed to be damn powder-ful? and yet he was defeated so easily by anakin. rubbish!
and why does he share the name of a FRUIT? methinks lucas is a closet singapore fan. how else do you explain "dooku" and of course, "mustafar"?! singapore tourism board should tie in with star wars to launch a campaign.
"visit the ORIGINAL MUSTAFA! we guarantee you'll pick up a lightsaber or two at cheap cheap prices!"
"calling all jedi knights! always wanted to bust a sith lord's ass but never had the chance? well, your prayers have been answered! come sink your teeth into our DUKU fruits! swing your mighty lightsabers at those puny fruits and have your revenge!"
the humble BUAH DUKU.
amidala is ugly in this movie. seriously. although in one scene she sports a hairstyle similar to princess leia's twin doughnuts.
and the dialogue for the love scenes was super C.O.R.N.Y. cannot tahan. they should get some korean dudes to write the lovey dovey parts for them. god knows them koreans are experts at mushy, weepy romance dialogue. look at all those korean dramas that have countless
the mystery of amidala's disappearing pregnancy. one minute her stomach is bulging like nobody's business. the next minute it's bloody flat like a freakin airport runway. and don't tell me its all about the clothes disguising the bulge. KNN. if got clothes like that, i also want! then i don't have to worry about my burgeoning beer belly!
DETACHABLE PREGANANCY! BRAND NEW! INTRODUCTORY OFFER PRICE OF $99.99!
calling all women! suffer no more from those huge bulging tummies that prevent you from seeing your own feet! release yourself from all that weight that place enormous strain on your back and legs and bring you such grief and pain! only carry your babies when you want to! otherwise, just detach and throw one corner!
especially suitable for pregnant women who must travel all over the galaxy in search of their wayward husbands! no more inconvenience when you run here, run there!
i'm a wuss. i cried at star wars. who the hell cries durin star wars?!
i shall console myself by claiming to be "in touch with my emotions" and that i have "high empathy levels".
i'm so retarded, i swear. bah!
and of course. that darth vader scene towards the end. say it with me now, boys and girls - R.E.T.A.R.D.E.D.
what was REALLY going on in vader's mind during that fateful scene.
but after saying all this, i am still gonna watch it again. yes. i am such a star wars whore. besides, i'm female. its my god given right to bitch about things. its our consolation for having to put up with idiot males. heh.
all in all, the movie wasn't THAT bad. but the experience was bittersweet.
after waitin a lifetime for the films to come out, all the anticipation, all the hype, all the speculation - it has all ended. and there's no more to look forward to.
ah well. back to episode 4, 5, 6, we shall go. time for some REAL star wars. han solo, here i come!
mucho gracias to the el supremo of L.E.W.D. - his royal highness, adrian - for the awesome plug, and the compliments. i is be plenty many honoured.
in return, i present to you some funny shit to make you pee your pants with laughter - adrian's take on star wars. go read it. its freakin hilarious.