My Name Is Eileen. I Am A Freakazoid. Hello.
... *poke* ... *sniff* ... *poke* ...
Monday, May 30, 2005

just shoot me

i am so damn bloody sick i feel like just lying down and letting a big truck roll over me.

trust me. it would hurt less to be steamrolled-ala-cartoon-character than to live with this freakin horrendous illness.

ugh.

the good news, is that it's probably not dengue fever. although if the fever doesn't break in 3 days, then i'm gonna have to go get re-assessed.

the bad news, EVERY BLOODY GODDAMNED THING ELSE.

- fever (highest its peaked is 39.4 degrees. was 38.7 degrees at the doc yesterday. down to 38.3 degrees now.)
- cough (which feels like i'm freakin tryin to dislodge my bloody lungs. damn pain. and there's blood. crap shite.)
- flu (thank god my nose isn't running away. yet!)
- chills and cold sweats
- bodyaches
- general "weak" feeling
- headache
- asthma

KNNBCCB lah!

sheesh!

do you have any idea how difficult it is to be an alcoholic smoke-aholic with a preference for menthol ciggies and beer and vodka when you have freaking ASTHMA?!

its DAMN BLOODY DIFFCULT oh-kay!

menthol - cooling.
beer - cooling.
vodka - cooling.

so too much cooling becomes? asthma attack. na beh.

check out the amount of medication i have to pump into my long suffering reject-of-a-body.

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cough mixture. antibiotic (oval yellow). fever and pain (freaking big-assed twin pink pills). flu (small yellow). asthma (inhaler). phlegm (huge white).

don't seem like much? IT IS, DAMMIT! and the doctor wanted to give me even more, but i threatened to kick him in the balls politely refused.

knn. my blood stream now got more drugs than a damn pharmaceutical factory. knn.

and the worst part. is that the medicine tastes LIKE CRAP. what is wrong with these people ah?! why must they make pills taste so crappy?! no wonder no one likes to take medicine when they're sick lah. even if you're not sick, the taste of the damn pills will make you sick also. why can't they make nice tasting medicine?! then people will enjoy it, and they will be more willing to eat, which translates to more sales for pharmaceutical companies, which means MORE MONEY for their already bulging pockets!

knn. stupid pharmaceutical companies.

the pink pills are horrendous. they get stuck in your throat cos they're so freaking big. and then it dissolves and you must live with that brief moment of excruciating yuckiness of tasting the medicine while you dash to down a glass of water in order to wash it down.

and must go through this process twice cos 2 pills! freaking 4 times a day! wah piang. can die. ugh.

and then, the huge-ass white tablet. must be dissolved in half cup water and then drink.

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i wanted to take a photo of the tablet bubbling and dissolving, but i couldn't capture it clearly enough.

never trust things that bubble like a bloody hot spring in the lowest levels of hell!! (yes, it was really VERY bubbly.)

it tastes worse than shit! (of course, i don't really know what shit tastes like. so this is a theoretical hypothesis. if you wish it to be more realistic, kindly replace "shit" with the foulest thing you've ever had the misfortune to taste.)

the first thing that came to mind was "oh my god! i'm drinking diluted phlegm!" serious.

gross, right?!

piang. i nearly puked my guts out. but cannot. because then all the other medicine i already took will come out also. and that would be wasting all my efforts in forcing them down in the first place. besides. YOU THINK SEE DOCTOR AND TAKE MEDICINE VERY CHEAP ISSIT?! expensive oh-kay! cannot waste!

knn. bloody stupid pharmaceutical companies. make something that tastes like phlegm to cure phlegm. what you think, really fight fire with fire, issit?! dumb.

how is it supposed to make me feel better if it makes me feel like puking my bloody guts out?! please explain to me. i really do not get it.

knn.

ok. i'm tired now. enough ranting already. must take a nap to recharge batteries. goodnight, all!


Thursday, May 26, 2005


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JON the ah-lon squirrel!

i still can't believe you're a teacher, though. heh.



all hail the kings of europe!

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yes, i wore a red top to show my allegiance.
yes, i proclaimed we would be victors to all and sundry (and received plenty of snorts from disbelievers.)
yes, i panicked during the first half.
yes, i cursed and sweared a shitload.
yes, i never stopped believing in them.
yes, i nearly fainted with joy during the second half.
yes, i bit my nails anxiously during extra time.
yes, i got down on my hands and knees during the penalty shootout.
yes, i made the sign of the cross and i prayed.
yes, i nearly suffered a heart attack from the suspense.
yes, i screamed and whooped in jubilation at the end.
yes, i was jumping up and down and all around like a deranged monkey.
yes, i was grinning wider than the freaking cheshire cat.
yes, i cried (discreetly, of course. watching with a bunch of guys means they would have laughed their asses off at my display of emotions.)
yes, my heart swelled with immense pride and joy at the sight of stevie g lifting the cup.

yes. i am a happy happy camper today. because we did it. we actually did it.

defying all odds. staging the greatest comeback ever in the history of european cup finals. hell, the greatest comeback in the history of soccer!

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hail STEVIE G - the most awesome captain, the driving force, the inspiration
hail JAMIE CARRAGHER - the under-rated but oh-so-spectacular
hail VLAD SMICER - who gave his all in possibly his last game for pool
hail XABI ALONSO - who had his penalty saved but had the prescence of mind to drive the rebound into the back of the net
hail DIDI HAMANN - who came on in the second half and whooped ass
hail RAFA BENITEZ - miracle performer and most freaking awesome coach
hail all the players - for working their butts off, for giving their all, and for never giving up

and most importantly,

hail JERZY DUDEK - goalkeeper extraordinaire and man of the hour

though this season has been full of cock-ups, you proved your mettle and played a vital part in one of our greatest victories ever.

from being "DUDUK one corner" (sit down one corner) in the first half, you produced some magnificent saves in the second half to prove why you are worthy of being liverpool's #1.

you danced and wiggled your way to be the king of the penalty box (even though you looked bloody ridiculous and completely retarded. but hey, whatever works!)

for your performance last night, i salute you.

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i salute each and every one of you.

thank you for bringing the cup home.

thank you for giving me a night to remember.

we went to istanbul to kick ass, and boy, did we kick us some major ass. big time.

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its been a long time coming, but we are truly the champions now.
you'll never walk alone!

but dudes. what was up with riise's funky hat?!


Wednesday, May 25, 2005

we going to istanbul to conquer yo ass!

a quick note before i pop out for my standard wednesday night boozing session. ladies night! free flows, come to mama! o bar, here comes the queen of alcoholism! woot!

*****

tonight's the night, ladies and gents! we shall royally whoop ass and leave destruction in our wake as we trash ac milan and lift the champions league trophy!

LIVERPOOL LIVERPOOL LIVERPOOL!

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hopefully, the scene will be like this, and not the other way around.

start praying, all you reds fans. if not i'm gonna come over there and whoop yo ass so bad you gonna freakin fly to the moon. heh.

you'll never walk alone!

*****


right. my alcohol awaits! cya guys tomorrow, i'm outta here.



the requisite "star wars" post

seems like almost every ah beng, ah seng and ah kow has done their posting on episode III. so now it's my turn to jump into the fray. eh, i also want to take part in the fun, cannot ah?

right then. a little late, but still, here goes - my take on REVENGE OF THE SITH.

WARNING : if you haven't watched the movie yet, and don't want me to spoil it for you, i suggest you skip this post till you have watched it. you'll probably be able to better appreciate my points as well after you've seen it for yourself.

----

kick ass, yoda does! and oh, how that little green "muppet" cracks me up. a classic example of "good things come in small packages", maybe? heh.

----

what was up with ewan mcgregor's acting, dudes?! yes, he did have some great scenes, especially the one on mustafar when he screams at anakin after cutting off his legs. that one was credible, at least.

but what about the scene when he plays back the battle in the jedi temple and sees anakin doing all those horrendous things?!

he had as much emotion in him as my soggy french fries have before i stuff them in my mouth - limp limp limp.

and i'm supposed to believe he's utterly devastated?! i actually physically cringed while watching that scene. horrendous, it was. shudder, i did!

and the saddest part is that i happen to think ewan mcgregor is a fairly impressive actor. i just don't know what the hell happened to him in this movie. methinks they're taking the whole ""a jedi shall not know anger. nor hatred. nor love." abit too far.

E.M. : "hmm. jedi cannot know anger. cannot know hatred. cannot know love. which means cannot show feelings. so must act like i'm a block of wood, even though i'm so devastated i want to slice myself in half with my uber cool lightsaber. ok lah. what to do. must be proper jedi, mah. time to put my "stoner" face on and talk in a monotone."

----

R2-D2 is THE droid of droids. that little white trash-can-on-wheels lookalike is some kinda freakin awesome COOL. smarter and more stylo than 3/4 of the entire jedi council put together (by this i mean excluding yoda, mace windu, obi-wan, and anakin)

now. if only i could understand what he's saying when he goes "beep beep beep beep beep". eh, hello, nowsadays got such thing as subtitles for a reason you know?! stop making me try to guess what the robot is saying! driving me bonkers!

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all hail the new M.A.D. - MOST AWESOME DROID - of 2005, mr. R2-D2!!

----

none of the fight scenes took my breath away. oh, there was some good stuff, for sure. but just not good enough. the best lightsaber fight scene is still the darth maul / qui-gon jinn / obi-wan kenobi battle from episode I. nothing else comes close. how disappointing.

----

i dont care what anyone says - GENERAL GRIEVOUS IS LAME LAME LAME!

dude! come on! i was expectin grievious to be some kinda kickass villian, after all the hype.

but he's PATHETIC! he looks like a lanky, walking scrap pile that was hastily assembled by someone with a really bad hangover.

and he coughs. what kinda villian is he supposed to be?! maybe he's been smokin too much.

[edit : EYERIS points us to the animated series, clone wars for the answer to this, as well as a couple of other questions ROTS may have raised. read his post HERE.]


the only good thing was the 4 lightsaber wielding that he performed. and even that was shortlived because obi wan manages to chop off 2 of his pathetic robot arms (and he does it quite easily too. hmph.)

and someone PLEASE! tell me what was the end of that battle between obi wan and grievous all about?! grievous has a "heart" thingie and he's supposed to be some kick ass villian robot thingamajig, but all he has protecting this vital part of him is some lame assed pathetic metal covering that can be simply forced / peeled aside?!

if that is not utter stupidity, then i really don't know what is.

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you see?! darth maul is so "fierce"! how to compare, general grievous?! no fight, man.

ok lah. i'll admit that grievous has a kinda cool "head" portion. but the rest of his body is still a pile of scrap metal.

----

anakin's crossover to the dark side was completely totally anti-climatic to the max! it just seemed.. so easy! somehow, i expected something more. something more dramatic. i feel let-down. damn.

----

the entire movie seemed.. messy. somehow. like they were tryin to answer too many questions and tie up all the loose ends while linkin everything to episode IV. it became a bit like one of those movies that throw too many things inside then become all jumbled up and "cha-pa-lang".

----

i've been wanting to say this for the longest time - count dooku is a cuckoo! isn't he supposed to be damn powder-ful? and yet he was defeated so easily by anakin. rubbish!

and why does he share the name of a FRUIT? methinks lucas is a closet singapore fan. how else do you explain "dooku" and of course, "mustafar"?! singapore tourism board should tie in with star wars to launch a campaign.

"visit the ORIGINAL MUSTAFA! we guarantee you'll pick up a lightsaber or two at cheap cheap prices!"

"calling all jedi knights! always wanted to bust a sith lord's ass but never had the chance? well, your prayers have been answered! come sink your teeth into our DUKU fruits! swing your mighty lightsabers at those puny fruits and have your revenge!"

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the humble BUAH DUKU.

----

amidala is ugly in this movie. seriously. although in one scene she sports a hairstyle similar to princess leia's twin doughnuts.

and the dialogue for the love scenes was super C.O.R.N.Y. cannot tahan. they should get some korean dudes to write the lovey dovey parts for them. god knows them koreans are experts at mushy, weepy romance dialogue. look at all those korean dramas that have countless aunties females bawling their eyes out over them!

----

the mystery of amidala's disappearing pregnancy. one minute her stomach is bulging like nobody's business. the next minute it's bloody flat like a freakin airport runway. and don't tell me its all about the clothes disguising the bulge. KNN. if got clothes like that, i also want! then i don't have to worry about my burgeoning beer belly!

DETACHABLE PREGANANCY! BRAND NEW! INTRODUCTORY OFFER PRICE OF $99.99!

calling all women! suffer no more from those huge bulging tummies that prevent you from seeing your own feet! release yourself from all that weight that place enormous strain on your back and legs and bring you such grief and pain! only carry your babies when you want to! otherwise, just detach and throw one corner!

especially suitable for pregnant women who must travel all over the galaxy in search of their wayward husbands! no more inconvenience when you run here, run there!

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----

i'm a wuss. i cried at star wars. who the hell cries durin star wars?!

i shall console myself by claiming to be "in touch with my emotions" and that i have "high empathy levels".

i'm so retarded, i swear. bah!

----

and of course. that darth vader scene towards the end. say it with me now, boys and girls - R.E.T.A.R.D.E.D.

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what was REALLY going on in vader's mind during that fateful scene.

----

but after saying all this, i am still gonna watch it again. yes. i am such a star wars whore. besides, i'm female. its my god given right to bitch about things. its our consolation for having to put up with idiot males. heh.

all in all, the movie wasn't THAT bad. but the experience was bittersweet.

after waitin a lifetime for the films to come out, all the anticipation, all the hype, all the speculation - it has all ended. and there's no more to look forward to.

ah well. back to episode 4, 5, 6, we shall go. time for some REAL star wars. han solo, here i come!

----

POST NOTE :

mucho gracias to the el supremo of L.E.W.D. - his royal highness, adrian - for the awesome plug, and the compliments. i is be plenty many honoured.

in return, i present to you some funny shit to make you pee your pants with laughter - adrian's take on star wars. go read it. its freakin hilarious.




HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VAL!

best wishes and all that jazz. hope you had a great day :)


Tuesday, May 24, 2005


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOY!

have a good one, baby!

and remember that i love you and us two queens of bitch-dom are gonna conquer the world! heh heh heh.


Monday, May 23, 2005


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEPH!!

and also..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAMELZA!!

hope you 2 girls have a blast!

*****

more to come when i get back tonight. need to rush now. how to get ready in half an hour?! ack!


Sunday, May 22, 2005

i "kenna" musical baton from makan guru

Total volume of music files on my computer :
3.45GB - 699 files

The last CD I bought was :
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind OST

(wah piang. i can't even remember when was the last time i bought a cd for myself. yes it was THAT long ago. oops. so i play cheat abit. got this as a present for a friend, for christmas 2004. heh.)

Song playing right now :
My Chemical Romance - Helena

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me :
1. Natalie - Going Crazy
2. Michael Buble - Home
3. Black Eyed Peas - Don't Phunk With My Heart
4. Rob Thomas - Lonely No More
5. Finch - Letters to You

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:
Wayne
Steph
Eyeris
Stoned.Nerd
Adrian

sorry guys. please forgive me. heh.


Friday, May 20, 2005

snippets from an msn chat

CASE FILE #1 : HOW MEN TURN THE TABLES ON WOMEN

CASE NOTES :


girls, haven't you had occasions when you start off bein pissed off / hurt / upset / etc with a guy, and you try to point it out to him, BUT somehow or other, he manages to turn everything around so that it becomes your fault instead?

CASE EVIDENCE :

eileen : i'm so hurt
... : eh dont be hurt lar
... : why so sensitive
eileen : becos men are jerks
... : oh here we go again
eileen : HAHAHAHAHAHA
... : stop categorising me
eileen : i didnt say you, what
eileen : i just said MEN
eileen : you're not man. you're... er... something lah
... : just because you land up with men who dont treat you right do NOT place me into that same category
... : what !!!
... : what am i then
eileen : ahahahahaha
... : if im not man
eileen : hmm... boy? semi female? androgynous? robot? alien?
... : then if im not men WHY would you tell me MEN are jerks , which has no relation to what we were talking about
eileen : it was just a remark
eileen : why so sensitive!
... : so by fact and reference, you WERE refering to ME !!
eileen : was not
... : was too
eileen : was not
... : now im upset
eileen : dont be upset lahhh
... : so you better do that thing i'm asking for
... : and do it RIGHT
eileen : blackmail
... : cos now you OWE me
eileen : dammit!
eileen : why do i ALWAYS end up owing you!!
eileen : its not bloody fair!

*****

CASE FILE #2 : THE OCCASIONAL WISDOM GEM

CASE NOTES :


sometimes, even though guys can be major dorks / jerks / insensitive pricks / etc, once in awhile, they ARE capable of actual "thought", and they say or do things that actually make sense!

which proves that somewhere hidden deep in the recesses of their heads, once you get past the clutter that equates to "alcohol, girls, soccer (or some other male past time. this portion varies from specimen to specimen), SEX and MORE SEX", there is actually A FUNCTIONING BRAIN!

who would have thought that?! shocking, isn't it?! now if only they would use it more often.

CASE EVIDENCE(s) :

... : well
... : equate this ...if he doesnt earn the love then he's not worthy of it
... : HE here being any guy


... : you complicate things
... : our lives are complicated as they are
... : but you just add more webs to them and tangle yourself in your own thread

eileen : just once. i wish i could fall for someone that was worth it. someone that wouldnt break my heart.
... : you can
eileen : dude. i need to work on my guy radar lahhh
... : if you take things a little slower
... : so that you can suss them out
... : and put them thru lil tests along the way
... : and keep your thoughts to yourself as you go along
... : when people know how you think they can always counter
... : remember that

*****

CASE FILE #3 : THE BAIT-AND-RUB TECHNIQUE

CASE NOTES :


guys always always ALWAYS will want to have their ego stroked. even if its just by way of a simple "thank you" and showing of appreciation to them. however, in order to portray a casual front, they will often brush off your thanks and gratitude when you first offer it to them.

DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF LETTIN IT GO AT THAT POINT! (or they will be offended. and we all know that a male with a bruised and offended ego is worse than a spoilt brat that won't stop screamin and cryin until you give him/her whatever he/she wants!)

you must continue to offer up your self, body and soul thanks. this first part is known as the "BAIT". as in they will slowly "put the line out and then draw in for the kill ending"

the "RUB" - guys always want the last word. not content with just "baiting" you and then accepting your thanks, they will instead choose to stroke their ego even further and in the process attempt to stomp all over yours.


i.e. they will turn around and rub your past mistakes / errors / casual comments / etc in your face.

CASE EVIDENCE :

eileen : i will.
eileen : thanks
... : for what? dont be ridiculous lar you
eileen : hahahaha
eileen : no lah.
... : no lah what
... : stop it lar
eileen : just thanks. for everything.
... : i remember someone saying i dont do anything for her
... : if only she sits back and seriously put some thought into it
eileen : HAHAHAHAHA
eileen : fine. i've been proven wrong. once again. bah!
... : but of course

*****


and so ends today's "psycho-analysis of the male specimen based on msn conversations"! how interestin. mmmhmm.

*****


IMPORTANT NOTICE

i realise the above post is completely nonsensical and utter rubbish, but MY BRAIN NO WORK PROPERLY.

have had an especially jam packed and tiring day at work today, with no proper food intake and not enough nicotine abuse breaks and the alcohol supply in my blood (that regulates the way insulin does) has run dry due to the fact that i didn't imbibe my required dosage of booze (at least 2-4 mugs daily!) yesterday.

so please to be forgiving me. thanking you, i am.


Thursday, May 19, 2005

the parentals' pilgramage

the parentals have gone up to malaysia for the long weekend. sounds like an innocent enough trip, yes? just to get away from the hustle and bustle of life.. unwind..

BUT. they're actually goin on one of their many every-few-monthly pilgramages to worship at the shrine of the one armed bandits. yes. they are goin to genting to visit the casino.

hmph. dont think i dunno oh-kay! just becos you tell me "malaysia", you think i wont find out you all goin to genting issit?! i'm supposed to believe you guys are just goin to KL or something "just for the weekend" issit?!

parentals : "we're goin to malaysia for the weekend. we'll be back on sunday, late."
concerned daughter : "malaysia?! ... GENTING, RIGHT?! CASINO AGAIN, RIGHT?!"
parentals : ".... we under a lot of pressure. stress. thats why we're goin to de-stress."
concerned daughter : "!!!"

so you go to a casino to DE-STRESS?? how is that possible?!

you must understand. when it comes to the parentals, 90% of their casino outins ALWAYS end up goin haywire. and then they start bickerin and pushin the blame to the other party, and come back in an even fouler mood than before.

"i told you to stop playin already! why you continue?! you see what happen?!"
"you were the one, ok!"

CENTRAL EQUATION OF GENTING PILGRAMAGE

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+

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=

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if thats the case - WHY STILL GO AND JUST END UP TORTURIN URSELVES?!

sigh. these people ah. cannot understand.

besides. i really don't like casinos. call it another one of my "things". i just don't see the point.

in fact, i've blogged about it before - somewhere on this page

ah well. if they wanna go, then let them go. i just pray that they have a decent outin this time and come back happy and refreshed, rather than cranky and "lagi" stressed.


Wednesday, May 18, 2005

star wars : a mother's inspiration

i was tellin my mother just now about my plans to rent the original star wars trilogy this weekend and have a star wars fest. and then she suddenly decides to go all loco and philosophical on me.

"you know ah. you are very kind. you are a very kind person. but you are always kind to the wrong people. you can take a lot. oh, you can take a lot. but the problem is, you take from the wrong people."

she said some other stuff as well, along these lines, but i can't remember now. (i was groggy, havin just woken up from my nap. i was recoverin from a major hangover. she caught me off guard. brain no work.) but this is the basic gist of it.

by "takin a lot", i assume she refers to my lengendary patience and tolerance levels, which, truth be told, are often akin to the zen-like levels exhibited by holy peoples / icons. for example : gandhi, buddha, mother teresa, er.. jesus?

oh. and also my extremely lovin and forgivin nature, which some people may define (not very kindly, but not very wrongly, at that) as bein a stupid SUCKER who lets undeservin jerks and asswads walk all over me.

my reaction to this "speech"? i just stood there and gaped at her - mouth open, eyebrow raised, too stunned for words.

after awhile, i muttered : "star wars.... i was just tellin you about star wars!"

my mother : "ya. i know. star wars is what inspired me."

WHAT?!?!?!?!

someone please tell me how the FARK she can make a connection like that?! star wars inspired your "speech"?! how the bloody hell... ?!

i mean, come on! for pete's sakes! it was totally unprovoked! and she has to throw a zinger like that at me to completely befuddle me and reinforce my opinion that my mother is completely insane not exactly always in the right frame of mind.

hey. where do you think i get it from?! its all in the genes, oh-kay! dudes!

sigh. my mother. the genius. she's so nonsensical sometimes, i swear.

but thats cool. she's major funny. cracks me up at times. of course, this is on occasions when she's not yellin at me for indulgin in my various vices. at times like those, she's just scary. she's damn fierce.

although, some of my friends cannot reconcile the eileen's-crazy-mother-who-is-so-funny-she-makes-me-laugh that they see with the fierce side of her i tell them about. hmm.

wah lau.

madness. madness! bah.



HANG... OVER...

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massive hangover.

feel like absolute shite.

like a steamroller ran over my head and squished my brains.

thousands of little people runnin around in my head, wavin their evil little hammers, bangin away on any and every surface in there they can find.

a couple of the little people have found their way to my stomach, and are runnin rampant, treatin my delicate stomach as a no-gravity zone - bouncin here and there, off the walls, doin somersaults.

sick.

have no idea how much beer i consumed last night.

started at 8pm. finished at freakin 5am.

4 pints of hoegarden at balaclava with joy.
1 mug of tiger at party world ktv.
many many bottles of tiger at newton circus with the kids - boy, greg, josh, richie, kevin - to "celebrate" boy's last day and upcomin enlistment into the army.

1 crate? 2 crates? 3 crates?! i think it was about 2+ crates... soooo loco by the end of the night (morning?!) not funny at all.

ugh.

but hurray for the food, which kept me sober (although just barely..) and prevented me from pukin my guts out from booze overdose.

carrot cake. chilli crab. sambal kangkong. tulang (which i think is disgustin so i refused to touch it.)

ugh.

head. very. pain. stomach. very. uncomfortable. need. my. bed.

ugh.


Tuesday, May 17, 2005

"the force is strong with this one"

a couple of quotes from star wars really struck a chord with me today. it hit so close and so true to my current situation and what i'm feelin right now, that it felt like the jedi order were usin the force to relay a message to me.

and the message got to me - sent resonatin echoes throughout my mind and my body. (wah! so "zen"-like..)

"a jedi shall not know anger.
nor hatred.
nor love."

***

"fear leads to anger.
anger leads to hate.
hate leads to suffering."


therefore, if i abide by the first mantra, then by virtue of the second mantra, i shall not know sufferin. yes?

perfect! just what i need in my life right now! screw all this pain and hurt and sufferin and other crappy shite. imma gonna run away and join the jedi order!

i wanna be a jedi. no need to be a master. i'll be happy just bein a padawan. plus, i get my own lightsaber! how cool is that. i want a purple one. just like master mace windu. freakin awesome!

but, knowin me and my temperaments, and my extremely fragile emotions which i have absolutely zero control over, i would be a sittin duck for the dark side of the force and the evil sith lords to turn.

bah.

oh well. lets just attempt to gain the approval of the jedi council first. lightsaber, here i come!!

may the force be with you... always.

*****

P/S : the above are just light hearted ramblins of a psychotic freakazoid havin a bad day. wait. make that a succession of bad days.

if i have offended any star wars fans out there, i sincerely apologize.

i'm a star wars fan myself (and yes, i prefer the original trilogy. and i watched it countless times since i was a wee kiddie.)

blame it on the episode II dvd that i just finished re-watchin. i'm gearin up for episode III. heh.


Monday, May 16, 2005

burn in hell, B-U-R-N!!

Image hosted by Photobucket.comi am majorly pissed off right now.

no outgoin. never mind. bloody hell! no incomin either! wtf. screw you, you blood suckin life drainin money lovin greedy whore of a corporation!

and then.

you ask me out. you ask me to wait for your call. i wait. no call. i get ready. still no call. i call you. you give stupid lame assed excuses about why you didnt call me back. never mind. i give you the benefit of the doubt. i ask you if you still wanna meet up. you say "of course!" but ask me to call you back in 3 min. i do that. you tell me that someone just called and you have to go meet them instead. i explode.

you know i'm havin a bad day. you were the one that wanted to meet me. and then after i drag myself outta bed and spend time and effort gettin ready and waitin for your damn call, you CANCEL. no sorry, no explanation, nothin. plus, you know i'm upset and i needed comfortin. but no, you choose instead to piss me off even further. you just tell me to go and sleep my bad mood and my upset-ness off.

well, screw you too! next time, dont ask me out if its gonna end up like this!

i'm not bein unreasonable.

i hate gettin ready, then havin to take off everythin again 10 min later. you think what? i very free issit?! nothin better to do but play "dress-up-put-make-up-but-all-for-nothin" at 10 o'clock at night issit?!

and i absolutely HATE havin to sit around, waitin for people to call, but they don't call in the end.

it sucks. makes me feel damn pathetic. which i am bloody hell am NOT, alright!! dammit.

yes. there's so much anger and hatred in me.

i'm just a steamin huge life sized container of extremely flammable, highly combustible, dangerously volatile, any-minute-goin-to-erupt-and-blow-up-in-your-face-and-kill-you anger vapour and hate gas.

oh. they're callin for me now. i'm due for simultaneous combustion.

good bye.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
my new meditation mantra.


Sunday, May 15, 2005

did i ever tell you...

that i bloody HATE it when TISSUE PAPER gets into the laundry, and you don't realise it till everything is done, and you open the washing machine lid, pull everything out to hang dry, and you see that EVERYTHING HAS BITS OF FREAKIN WHITE FUZZY BITS OF I-DUNNO-WHAT-YOU-CALL-IT (lint?! fluff?! devil's sperm??!!) STUCK ALL OVER THEM!!

!&%#$@#* (insert choice curse(s) of your preferred dialect / language here) !&%#$@#*

and its so damn difficult to remove from the damn clothes too!

i tell you, those cursed white "thingamajigs" are like those lalang plants (are they called lalangs? i can't remember. its been so long since primary school! how am i supposed to remember EVERYTHING they taught us?! angsana, flame of the forest, pods, dispersion, blah blah blah..) - the ones with hooks, and they hook themselves onto your clothes / socks / leg hair and make use of you to carry their "seeds" around in the name of dispersion.

and why can't people EMPTY THEIR DAMN POCKETS before dumpin their clothes in the wash?!

why why why?! is it so difficult?! just stick your damn hand in their and pull whatever's in there OUT! one swift motion! granted, you may have to repeat dependin on the number of pockets on the outfit, but it is still MUCH LESS WORK THAN TRYIN TO BLOODY REMOVE WHITE FLUFF THAT CLINGS ONTO YOUR CLOTHES WITH THE KIND OF STUBBORNESS AND VENGEANCE AKIN TO A MONEY GRUBBIN BIMBO CLINGIN ONTO A MULTI MILLIONAIRE BOZO!

i do not deserve this kinda rude shock, i tell you. i nearly had a heart attack. at least, if the washin load had been WHITES, it wouldn't have been nearly as bad (hell, i probably wouldn't even have noticed white fluff on white clothes! they'd just seem.. fuzzier, somehow.)

BUT it was a freakin FULL LOAD of COLOURED clothes!

i'm gonna cry.

after i finish feelin sorry for myself, i shall attempt to get myself intimately reaquainted with "white thingamajig removal techniques".

and then.

i am gonna hunt down the supreme idiot who perpetrated this horrific crime, and tie him, butt naked, to a tree in the most public location i can think of, with honey smeared all over him/her so that ants/creepy crawlies/snakes will devour him/her, slowly.

i will also erect a sign statin the commited crime of puttin tissue paper into the wash, so that all irate housewives/househusbands/maids/people-who-do-laundry who have had the misfortune of sufferin the same sad fate at the hands of other evil-doers, can take out their unhappiness and exact vengeance on this "scapegoat", which will then serve as a reminder to all other nincompoops out there the penalties of puttin tissue paper in the wash, so that the world can hopefully become a peaceful, lovin, NO TISSUE PAPER IN LAUNDRY place for our future generations to grow up in.

hmmm. seems like an awful amount of work. plus, i'm gonna be so tired from "de-fluffin" the clothes..

on second thoughts, i'll just take a "gala" pole (those poles you hang laundry on) and hammer the idiot.


Saturday, May 14, 2005


happy birthday, fique!


Wednesday, May 11, 2005


i dont want to censor my blog.
i dont like to censor my blog.

its my blog.
its my online diary.
its my outlet.
its my thoughts.
its my feelins.
its my memories.

it is ME.

but i find myself censorin my blog.
unconsciously.

i dont write as freely anymore.
i find myself thinkin and considerin about what i post.
and then, i end up not bloggin about things that i really wanted to write about.
becos its just too much trouble.

why?
how did it come to this?
have past events really scarred me that much?
have i finally been burnt often enough to finally be wary?

i feel like i've lost a part of me.
i feel like i've lost control.

help.



words of pure wisdom

"Think you gotta start believing that you deserve to be loved for yourself, no matter the shit you've been through."

one of the sweetest things that anyone has said to me in recent times.

may not mean much to many people, but it hits the softest spot in my heart, right to the core.

and that is why i love you, darlin.

becos you know me.
becos you accept me for what i am.
becos you don't judge me.
becos you are always there for me.
becos you truly care.
becos you are the voice of my unspoken thoughts.
becos you are you.

thank you, sweetheart. for everything.



ai zho "member" mai? FLEE leh!

got this from kim. farnee as hell.

*****

The CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY, a Geylang-based organization for youth, is now recruiting members to fulfill a tender they are submitting to the new casi? sorry, sorry, integrated resort.

Please fill in the form below and mail to:

Mr. Chao Ah Beng
Membership Occifer
Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society
69 Geylang Lorong 69
Singapore 696969


Reference code: TalkingCock.com

APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP IN CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY

1. NRIC No.: _________________

2. Surname: __________________

3. First name: (please X)
[ ] Johnson
[ ] Benson
[ ] Samson
[ ] Hamson
[ ] Janson
[ ] Other: _________________ (if not ending in son? please explain why)

4. Chinese Name: Ah __________(if not beginning with ah? please explain why)

5. Age: [ ] Under 35 [ ] Lau Beng

6. Sex: [ ] M [ ] F [ ] at Geylang

7. Length of Last Fingernail: ________ (cm)

8. Ability to squat for:
[ ] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] more than 2 hours (wah, steady!)

9. Hairstyle:
[ ] Spiky
[ ] Dyed with streaks of blond
[ ] Dyed with streaks of red
[ ] Two strands dangling in front of eyes
[ ] Kana mop like that
[ ] Perm (please state which saloon in JB you went)____________________

10. Tattoo of:
[ ] Tiger
[ ] Dragon
[ ] Snake
[ ] Eagle
[ ] Hello Kitty

11. Work experience: (please X all that apply)
[ ] KTV Launge Bouncer
[ ] Snooker Hall Attendant
[ ] Unlicensed Contractor
[ ] Freelance debt collector
[ ] Unlicensed bookie
[ ] Dispute Resolution and Settlement Professional
[ ] Unemployed

12. Spouse's Name: _________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: (the one in Batam, that one) _________________________
Lover's Name: _________________________
2nd Lover's Name: (Lorong 69, that pooi-pooi one) _________________________

13. Number of children living in household: ____
Number of children living in foster care: ____
Number of children that are actually yours: ____

14. Mother's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
15. Father's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

16. Education: (Circle how many years it took you to finish primary school)
8 9 10 11 12

17. Ability to swear: (please X all that apply)
[ ] Hokkien
[ ] English
[ ] Malay
[ ] Tamil
[ ] Cantonese
[ ] rude hand gestures

18. Service performed in previous secret society:
[ ] Leadership/Tua Tao
[ ] Junior management/Suay Tao
[ ] Physical activities/Hooting
[ ] Dispute Resolution and settlement/Cham Siong
[ ] Lookout/Kuah Chui

With your application, please also enclose sample of blood (need not be your own).


*****

muahahahaha! i wanna join! imma fillin out me application form now!

and y'know what? this thing has made me realise how much of an "ah lian" i really am. i am so screwed. heh.

P/S : applications are now open for providers of BLOOD SAMPLES. kindly contact me for further details on where to send your, er, "specimen". oh, pack in dry ice, hor. gam sia ah.


Monday, May 09, 2005

quiz-a-roo, quiz-a-hoo


You Are 60% Normal

(Really Normal)




Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal
You're like most people most of the time
But you've got those quirks that make you endearing
You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?


aha! the truth is finally out! so i am NOT a freakazoid after all! take that, all youse numbskulls! nyeh-neh-nee-boo-boo! i stick out my tongue at youse!


Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male


Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?


ooohhh-kaaayyy. i knew it! i really am more MALE than i am FEMALE. so much for havin boobies. sigh. dammit. eh, anyone dare make any jokes about this, imma gonna break-a your legs..


You Will Die at Age 52


Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle
Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits.

What Age Will You Die?


meh. so that gives me, err, about.. 27 more years to live it up. that means i'm almost at the halfway mark. 50% of me life is gone. kaput. awwww CRAP.


Your Inner European is Spanish!




Energetic and lively.
You bring the party with you!

Who's Your Inner European?


a'ite. spanish is good. i can live with that. "energetic and lively." i like the sound of that. hmm. what kinda beer they have in spain anyways?!



game over

sigh.

and so it has come to be, after a glorious triumph on the european scene, a humiliatin defeat on the home front.

our hopes have effectively been washed down the toilet, with deafenin loud flushin noises, comin courtesy of our "rivals" and fellow hometown boys - everton.

kudos to the boys from the blue side of liverpool for an amazin season that has culminated in a fourth place finish (my god. i can't even remember WHEN was the last time i've witnessed everton finish in the top four.. was i a soccer fan then? was i even born yet?!) and champions league football with the top guns next season.

we whooped chelsea's ass, but we got our asses ROYALLY SCREWED by arsenal.

ah well - win some, lose some.. aye?

see you all again next season - when we will meet you all on the home scene once more, and hopefully, participate in europe with the champions league (if they let us defend our title, in the event we whoop ac milan's ass - which is highly probable although a tad unbelievable.) and hopefully we shall still be enjoyin the services of a certain stevie g - current captain and resident midfield maestro and all round genius person.

but for now, goodbye and adios to a season that has been plagued by injuries and riddled with suprisingly horrendous form (in england.) but has even so shown great promise in the form of an up and comin team (garcia, alonso, gerrard, cisse, etc etc) that has genuinely proven they have what it takes to rule the premiership once more, once they have been given time to gel. and we have one of the best managers on the scene, in the shape and form of rafael benitez.

we will rule once more, but until then, you'll never walk alone. now let's get ready for istanbul. woot!

*****


EDIT : na beh. i am bein royally "suan-ed" left right center upside down by people, callin me up and rubbin last night's defeat and what it means for liverpool's hopes (gone, smashed, kaput, dead..) in my face. the worst are the arsenal fans.

so, i would just like to say :

OI! enough already hor! i'm heartbroken liao. don't kachiao me anymore lah, please?!

na beh. grrrr. *goes to hide in a corner and cry*


Saturday, May 07, 2005

two sides of a coin

"that's the problem with love. you can't stop once you start."

to be a cynic or to be a fool.
the mind dictates or the the heart rules.

to be in control or to be controlled.
fight it or fall free.

to go with the flow or to battle the flow.
calm before the storm or calm after the storm.

to resist or to succumb.
the angel or the devil.

two hands clap.
one hand slaps.

out of your reach.
within your grasp.

do you still have a choice, if at all?
choose wisely or not at all.

once bitten, still not shy?
twice bitten, game for more?

the coin's been tossed.
wait for it to fall.

whatever will be will be.


Friday, May 06, 2005


went to church for ascension mass last night. i completely forgot about it, even though my dad called me while i was at newton on wednesday to remind me. so my initial plan of goin home straight after work and concussin on my comfy bed yesterday was shot to pieces. ugh.

had to drag myself to church and sit through mass. was so cranky i was snappin at everyone and anyone. and then the sermon lasted 25 min. gah! i was thankin god that we could SIT DOWN durin sermon. if not, jia lat to the max.

i kept fallin asleep durin sermon. couldnt tahan. and now my arm has a big bruise on it cos my mum had to elbow me twice to wake me up. the first time was just a slight nudge. the second time was the killer. eh, damn pain ok! she jabbed me so hard i nearly fell over. and it didnt help that i was practically sittin on the edge of the seat, one quarter butt off the side (i was tryin to make myself comfortable lah.) lucky i caught myself in time so i was spared the embarrasment of landin my fat butt on the floor in CHURCH durin sermon. sigh.

on the way back from church, my younger brother drove us home. first time i've experienced his drivin skills since he's gotten his license. i'm jealous. i wanna drive too! my bro is a kick ass driver. i'm so proud of him. the way he takes corners reminds me of luke and jai, except that my bro is smoother. we were swayin all over the place. hahaha! but he's cool. stylo milo!

ugh.

4.12pm. another hour and then i can go home. i need sleep. i'm in such a major funk. i dont know why. ugh. hurry up and move yo fat ass, time!

y'know what.. i'm just gonna screw it all and leave early. yeah. MY BED AWAITS!


Sunday, May 01, 2005

my wishes for today

sometimes... i really wish i could gouge out my eyes.

sometimes... i really wish i could rip off my ears.

sometimes... i really wish i could switch off my brain.

sometimes... i really wish i could remove my heart.

there are certain things, in life, that one really shouldn't see, or hear, or think about, or feel.

ignorance truly is bliss?

you tell me.


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