My Name Is Eileen. I Am A Freakazoid. Hello.
... *poke* ... *sniff* ... *poke* ...
Saturday, January 15, 2005

my blog and its purpose


well, i cant for the life of me remember why the bloody hell i started keeping a blog in the very first place. what purpose was it meant to achieve? what role was it meant to play in my life? what place was it to have to the freaking free-for-all world wide web?

all i can say and remember is that it all started with a certain mr. huilam (aka lam gor). you see, before mr. huilam started his own blog, i had already been considering getting one for myself (just so i could see what the fuss and hype was all about lah, and also for me to have abit of fun tinkering with html and so on.)

but being the super duper pathetically sloth-like lazy arsed procrastinating woman that i am, i kept putting it off.

until the day my mobile phone beeped with an incoming sms. it was from said mr. huilam - announcing to me (and the rest of civilisation that he had mass forwarded the sms to) that he had a blog and supplying me with said blog's web address.

so, being curious (and kaypoh. fine, i admit it. i'm a huge 38 - san ba.) about my dear friend's life.. erm, i mean, BLOG.. i went to check it out. and then got tempted to start my own, finally.

yes. at the end of the day - its all your fault, huilam!! heh.

then a couple of other friends started their own blogs too. but sadly, most of those that embarked on this new fangled internet adventure with me have since abandoned their blogs for other pursuits, due to a variety of reasons.

still, i ploughed on with my endeavour. collecting blog addresses of other friends and interesting people along the way to add to my links list.

my blog has been through countless facelifts, renovations, reconstructions - blogskins, templates, designs, content, and so on.

my blog has endured scrutiny from certain persons that caused me much grief when these persons have used my writings and thoughts to harm me and bring me anguish, tears and sadness. whether or not it was intentional on said persons part to traumatise me due to their actions, i dont know and i dont want to think about it anymore.

which was why i moved my blog to this new address. and i have refrained from divulging this new location on the source that i can safely confirm said persons of above came to have knowledge of my lil niche in cyberspace.

(note: while i am on this topic, i have to mention that certain friends and people dear to me have found themselves being harrassed and harangued by way of their blogs over the course of our cyberspace adventures. which is why some of them have chosen to desist from blogging. but thats another story.)

of course, people argue that by placing something on the internet automatically makes it free-for-all. and so, by posting something personal such as your innermost thoughts or your life events on your blog, is akin to standing on the top of a hdb flat/building screaming your secrets out to the world at the top of your lungs with the aid of a microphone and speaker to broadcast it to all and sundry - whether or not they are interested to know the sordid details is irrelevant.

... which is true ...

(note: alas, i find myself digressing further and further from my main purpose of this entry. sigh. to put myself back on track...)

my blog, at this point of time, has evolved into a diary of sorts. as i mentioned to certain people in my life - i cant keep a physical paper diary. due to *ahem* privacy issues (snooping certain individuals. tsk.) so this is the next best thing.

i use it to store my memories of the events in my life.
i use it to jot down notes and what-nots on stuff i find interesting, for future reference or just simply to amuse myself.
i use it to let off steam and rant about stuff when i feel the need to get things off my chest and unclutter my mind.
i use it to keep links to other blogs and sites on the internet that i frequent.
i use it to keep in touch with my friends.
i use it to voice and share my opinons on things and issues.

i use it for myself, my friends, and whoever else is interested.

i use it as an extension of myself, so that someday i can look back at the days and months and years of my life and reminisce.

however, i find myself caught in a dilemma sometimes. because i realise that this diary of mine is NOT in any way personal or sacred or secret. its on the free access internet, for petes sakes!

and at times, i find myself writing things that i need to write down. but things that i dont want waved in people's faces. for whatever reasons. i want some degree of control over who can access these parts of me and my thoughts.

and because blogger doesnt have password-locking-posts-features and i am too blooming lazy to up and move my entire blog once again to a new provider that does provide locking facilities..

i resorted to writing cryptic entries (only to confuse myself when i re-read these entries some time long after they had passed. what was i talking about, i asked myself?).

i resorted to using silly codes and whatnots (which, as wayne pointed out to me, was ridiculously foolish of me as they were bloody easy to crack.)

and so, i have now come to the main point of this long long senseless whining entry.

i am going to set up a second blog of sorts over at blogthing, which uses the wordpress system and features password-locking-posts, to store my "secret entries" and then link them over to this blog.

i know that it seems ridiculously inane to alot of you that i would bother to link back to this blog at all. and i know it seems ridiculously stupid of me not to think of a solution like this in the very first place long ago.

what can i say? i'm strange. i want everything to be here, on one page. its just another one of my silly "things" lah. heh.

and who knows? maybe one day i'll transfer my entire blog over there, if i like the interface enough and if i'm lucky enough to stop procrastinating and being a lazy bum.

but for now, toodles and goodbye. i need a cigarette. *grin*

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