My Name Is Eileen. I Am A Freakazoid. Hello.
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Monday, January 24, 2005

free time is EVIL?

yesh. its 4am on sunday/monday and i have to be at work at 9am later today and i am still awake. cant sleep. extremely tired. just cant doze off. toss and turn. bleary eyed. but unable to slip into the unconsciousness of dreamland.

bloody hell. see, i told you i have insomnia. so i shall occupy myself by blogging and hopefully tire my brain out enough that it will finally switch off and i can get some much needed shut eye. gahh.


weekends, public holidays, special occasions - they all tend to have the same effect on me. they make me depressed.

such a vicious cycle, it is.

spending all my days dragging my ass to the office and being stuck in corporate slavery, wishing and hoping for the weekend to come.

eagerly looking forward to holidays and occasions so that attendance at work can be chucked out the window.

happily planning what the free time away from hideous work can be used for. outings, clubbing, chilling, relaxing - having a life!

but then. the long awaited freedom arrives. and all my wishes and hopes are steamrolled as flat as a bloody airport runway.

the realisation hits me - i cant do shit. i DONT have a LIFE. wait. thats unfair. i DO have a life. but not the one i desire to have. sigh.

why liddat?!

i need to fully utilise my free time. if not i feel cheated and unfulfilled and that the whole thing is such a waste. i need to go out and DO SOMETHING.

the couples have each other. the homebodies have their beds and computers and televisions and what-nots. my clubbing kakis have hung up their dancing shoes and drinking belts. blah blah blah.

and me? sigh.

yesh. it kinda sucks. and during these occasions, i find myself wishing i had someone to spend it with. someone to accompany me and hold my hand while i do all the things i want to do.

damn. i guess too much free time really isnt a good thing after all. must stop feeling sorry for myself. i have my friends, who are a wonderful bunch and bring me much joy, laughter and silliness. and that's something i'm thankful for.

and at least my long weekend wasnt completely wasted.

thursday - hanging out at hups and playing number ball till 6am

friday - movies and boozing at the ng's place and a flash round of mahjong

saturday - chilling out in town with coffee at heeren's spinelli's and food at the hawker opposite centrepoint before playing number ball until almost 8am

sunday - dinner at gardens and slacking at hups

i really love hate love hate .. have a love/hate relationship with weekends and public holidays. sigh.

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