Saturday, December 04, 2004
rain rain go away
hostility and tension between you 2 guys. you say you feel it. its there. i'm stunned. i dont feel anything but friendliness. fake? a cover? but for what purpose?!
no reason exists, as far as i can comprehend, for him to feel hostile towards you. you claim you have no idea why there's that tension. but i know. i know that you think and feel that its becos of me. i can see it on your face. i read you like an open book.
i dont understand why you feel that way. shocking. is it all in your mind? a silly notion that exists only in your reality? or is it really there, but concealed from me? how utterly confusing.
arguing and quarrelling and fighting is so tiring. mentally exhausting. draining. so frustrating! detestable, really.
but then again, conflict can be dysfunctional or functional. functional is good. just as constructive critisicm is good. if taken the right way.
trashing things out, albeit all the drama and raised voices and hurt feelings and exhaustion and frustration, can be conducive. in certain instances.
i have heard what you have to say. you have heard what my take on things are. promises have been made. whether they will be kept, remains to be seen. but the power of the words "i'll try my very best", coupled with genuine sincere hope for a positive outcome, should NOT be underestimated.
and in the morning, the sun is shining again. the storm has passed. we're still here. and i'm so glad. :)
the sun never disappears. its always there. enduring even the worst storms. its just hidden behind the clouds. but its still shining.
just becos you cant see it, doesnt mean its gone. be patient. have faith.
when all is over, the sun will shine again.
i resolve :
i) to be more ladylike and gentle and feminine and "civilised"
ii) to control my drinking
iii) to understand