My Name Is Eileen. I Am A Freakazoid. Hello.
... *poke* ... *sniff* ... *poke* ...
Tuesday, November 16, 2004

still twiddling about

i still havent found my books n notes yet. then again, i havent exactly been trying very hard. :p *sigh* the internet is bloody addictive. harmful. tsk. now i know wat they mean when they say "the dangers of the internet"..



in fact, its in 11 days to be precise. yay? dunno. should i be happy? excited? eager? should i be beside myself with anticipation? should i be counting down the days?

then why is it that when i start thinking about my birthday, the first words that come to mind are "bummer me"..

i honestly do not know if i'm looking forward to the (cursed? blessed?) day. i still have no idea how i'm gonna be celebrating. or even if i'm gonna celebrate it at all.

i wanted to go for a holiday, but my (extremely empty) wallet doesnt allow me to. i suppose i could always go out and get pissed drunk once again. but i really dont feel like spending my birthday this year getting smashed.

so what should i do? i know. i wont celebrate. yup! sounds like a good idea, doncha think? wont make much of a diff either way. especially since i have to mug for my exam.

someone promised me something for my birthday. something that i've really really really wanted for a looong time. something that i've always thought beyond my reach. my fantasy item. will i get it? i dunno. i dont think so lah. i'm not getting my hopes up. better to expect nothing at all than to expect the world and end up crashing down to earth when it doesnt materialize. rite?

besides, i've been promised something else. and i must say that i'd much rather have this second thing than the first one. so much more meaningful. to me, at least.

am i confusing you? never mind. i think i'm confusing myself. bah.

so what do i really want for my birthday? quite simple actually. what i've always wanted. my friends and loved ones to remember and to be by my side. oh. and money's always good. bwahahaha ;p

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