My Name Is Eileen. I Am A Freakazoid. Hello.
... *poke* ... *sniff* ... *poke* ...
Tuesday, November 30, 2004


i need to update. so many many things to say!

but i have no time! busy busy busy. work is crap. drowning under a deluge of paperwork and accounts. month-end is horrible. ugh.

but always look for the silver lining. month-end means pay day! yay!

and so now, back i shall go, to the mountain of work on my desk. the phone is ringing. i wish someone would pick it up. why cant i pick up? becos i'm "otherwise engaged". blogging is an intense task. requires full and absolute concentration. heh.

till later, adios, my friends. and i really need to find time to blog properly! gah!

Friday, November 26, 2004


suckerfish. SUCKERFISH. i have been called a suckerfish. not pufferfish. not angelfish. not goldfish. not guppy. suckerfish.

but of course. you'd have to understand the CONTEXT in which it was meant to fully comprehend the meaning of it all. heh.

oh. and you'd have to know who was the one that christianed me as such. when you know which nitwit called me that, then you'd get it. ;)

suckerfish. is there even such a fish?! hmm.


2 more wishes.

from clement, via msn. and kelvin, via friendster. kel's probably my oldest and longest friend. known him since i was in primary one and we were both staying in shunfu.

how time flies. from the tender age of 7... to the ripe old dinosaur age of 24. sigh. i'm OLD. :p

haha. so funny. i just checked my friendster messages. there was one from cat choo. asking where i'd disappeared to and asking me to give her a call or msg. so i did. i sent her an sms asking how she'd been. then my phone rings.

cat : tell you something freaky.

me : what?

cat : i'm sitting outside the cafe now, smoking. where we sat the last time we met up. and i was just thinking about you. what happened to you. why you never reply my msg. then the phone rang. (my sms coming through.) i just lit my cigarette! its damn freaky, ok?!

me : freaky? its not what. its perfectly normal. telepathy! hahaha.

cat : its freaky lor! scary! wah lau!

me : where got? hahahaha. this kinda thing happens to me all the time what.

freaky? coincidence? telepathy? divine intervention? supernatural? weird.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.. liftoff

my smurfday. less than 12 hours away. yay! yay? yay. nay.

on one hand, i'm all jittery and excited and happy-happy. on the other hand i'm all ho-hum and cynical and cant-be-bothered. how strange.

the wishes have started flowing.

steph via my tagboard. steph (wow) gave me a hug and her wishes again last nite. eugene (wow) wished me last nite "i sincerely offer you all my best wishes" or something like that. nicholas just msn-ed, complete with virtual rose. erm. who else? cant remember. memory fails with age. heh.


met up with wayne, trev, pete, stace, paul n mel at hups last nite for a quickie teh-bing session. felt really good to sit at hups and chill. laughs, banter, happiness.

to the hups gang : i really DO miss ya guys loads. and i miss hups! i really really do! :)

then it was a rush down to bugis to meet my classmates. picked up some notes for my paper next tuesday (which, by the way, i still havent started studying for. oh, woe is me! blehh.) and got some advice from them about the exam. but i'm still clueless. bah.

popped down to boat quay afterwards with B. for a quick drink. met steph, francis, janson, eugene, michel, etc etc there. quiet nite.

ivy cut her hair! its so short! i stood there with my mouth hanging open, staring at her for a full minute in shock! but she looks good. so pretty! heh.

steph's leaving for china today. erm. i think she left already. heh. she was apologising for not being around to get me drunk on my birthday.

to steph : its ok lah. really. just buy me a big big present from china! haha. have a good trip, i'll see you in 10 days. take care of yourself. :)

and i'm gonna die tonite. niki found out its my birthday. he claims that after tomorrow, i'm gonna hate him. cos he's gonna 'tekan' me.

me : never mind lor. i'm not gonna order any drinks in that case. i got no drink, see how you all wanna make me drunk.

niki : never mind what. i will ask everyone to buy drinks and cheers with you. i still earn money this way what!

me : then you go and ask lor. (i said something else, but i cant recall.)

niki : i will. as long as i can see you "drop" can already.

*cue evil laughter from niki*

uh-oh. but i dont think i'll get drunk lah. i didnt tell much people at wow about my birthday. just a few. and technically, i'm not "celebrating" as in "party" kinda thing. just "meeting up" with friends for a drink. heh.

heading out for eugene-small-boy's gig later in the evening with wayne, stace, jon n steph. last update was its at a methodist church. wtf?! mmm. should be interesting. heh. then it'll be down to wow for drinks.

tomorrow.. will be dinner with the hups gang? should be, yeah? :)

need to find time to meet up with my god-ma and the rest of the gardens gang. and i still have no idea if my parents wanna celebrate with me. cos the original plan was that i would be outta town during my birthday, so my family celebrations were cancelled. but, seeing as how i'm in singapore.. oh well. play it by the ear then.

9 more hours! i'm gonna be a year older. ugh. i'm a dinosaur. blehh.

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to,
cry if i want to, cry if i want to,
you would cry too if it happened to you.

P/S : with regards to the suprise party i "asked" you guys to plan for me. IT WAS A JOKE. JOKE JOKE JOKE. sheesh. my god. i may be thick-skinned, but not THAT thick! i really didnt mean it. so please, you guys, stop "suaning" me about it. pleeeaase! heh.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

today's nonsensical ramblings

omg. i cant do this. whatever made me think i can! i cant. its so hard.

crash bang boom. turn to ashes. now all it is is dust in the wind.

friendster is evil.

ugh. sigh. *sob*


this guy is farnee-ha-ha. what is it about in-your-face sarcasm that attracts me so?? oh yes. i forgot. i'm sadomasochistic. i enjoy pain. heh. check out these links.

how to kill yourself like a man.


phrases that he dont like.

greeting cards.


A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup!".

Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says "god it's hot in here." and the other sausage says "OH MY GOD IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"

why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was too chicken.

Why don't cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste funny.

What does mozart do now that he is dead? He decomposes.

What's the worst part about eating vegetables? Those damn wheelchairs.

Where does a one armed man shop? At a second hand store.

Why can't skeletons play music in church? They have no organs.

A little boy asked his grandmother, "grandma, how old are you?" She replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that." The young boy asked another question, "how much do you weigh?" The grandmother replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that!"
The little boy went back to school and told his friends about the coversation he had with his grandmother and how he was unable to get an answer from her. The little boy's friends advised him to look on her drivers license, all the information will be there.
The next week when the little boy was visiting his grandmother he told her he knew how much she weighed and how old she was. The grandmother didn't believe him until he told her,"you weigh 130lb., and you are 65 years old." Then the little boy in a bashful way whispered to his grandmother, "I also know you got an F in Sex".


this is just so damn sweet. altogether now, awwwwww...

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8


oh wow. its raining cats and dogs and elephants and dinosaurs outside. no wonder i'm so damn bloody cold. and i dont have a jacket. i wish those idiots would turn off the aircon. *brrr* i miss snuggling under my comforter.

and why cant it rain money? or men? or both! haha.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

hmmm. what are the odds of 4187 being sold out tomorrow, saturday and sunday? why do i ask such a weird question?

becos considering singaporean's obsession with 4D and "seeing" numbers everywhere..

4187 was (at least, that's what i saw on the tv just now, when they were showing the adverts) sylvester's audition tag. and they flashed it across the tv screen. big big.

so now go join the dots.

hmmm. should i go buy? y'know. try my luck? after all. it IS my birthday this week. maybe i'll get lucky. yeah rite. and maybe wayne has 3 breasts and 6 nipples and 2 weenies. (sorry, di! your name just popped up. blame yourself for being mean to me on msn! heh.)

i'm gonna go crash into bed now. superbly tired out. and there's a bloody mosquito buzzin around my room. i have 4 bites already, dammit! sigh. what to do? i'm such a sweetie that they enjoy my blood.

my god. with skin this thick, its a wonder that damn mosquito can pierce through it in the first place. blehh. :p

drumroll please

last nite, i was awarded the trophy for "stupidest question ever asked". such an honour, doncha think?! *rolls eyes* yes, i'm being sarcastic.

we were discussing money. started from coins. led to notes. eventually coming to the $10,000 bill.

niki : there's a $10,000 bill you know.

friend : got meh? sure or not? (turns to me) really ah?

me : ya! ya! got! got! of course have lah. you dunno meh?

*** further discussion takes place. what colour is the note? orangey brown i think. what's the size? quite big. bigger than normal notes. still in production? nope. stopped when they issued the new series. why they stop production? troublesome. difficult to change into smaller notes. blah blah.

and then.

after acting all smart-ass and shit while discussing the note (i knew the colour and the size and small details, ok.)

me : but the note really can use ah?

*** stunned silence for a split second. funny looks directed my way.

niki : OF COURSE LAH! if not they have for what?!

friend : WAH LAU EH! that's the stupidest question i ever heard man!

*** laughter. at my expense.

me (very sheepishly) : oh. aiyah. i thought its those kinda "commemoration only" notes thingies what.

niki : NO LAH! (tries to say more but is more or less speechless at my stupidity)

blehh. :p fine. i can see how that's a silly question. but to chrisitian it the "stupidest question ever"? taking things a bit far, rite?! hmph.

eh. i'm not stupid lor. slightly retarded, yes. but not stupid. waddya mean "is there a diff?" of course there is a bloody diff! being retarded means i'm *special*. heh.

definitions according to eileen

SHOCK is :

sitting on a chair. minding my own business. watching people play pool. drunk girl suddenly falls down. right in front of my face. so close i can kick her in the nose by just extending my legs 45 degrees. (not that i did, of course. whaddya think i am? sadistic?! erm. dont answer that. heh.) and she just sits there on the floor. for like 20 seconds. and i just sit there on my chair. staring at her. in shock. boyfriend finally picks her up off floor.

after the episode, felt bad cos i didnt offer her any help. should have just got off my chair and picked her up instead of letting her sit there like a fool. but i was in shock. all i could do was gape at her. frozen to my seat. guilty.

AGONY is :

sitting on a chair. queueing for use of the one, solo, lone toilet. wait. need to go. wait some more. really need to go. wait even more. bladder bursting. need to go BAD. wait yet more. am crossing and uncrossing legs. bouncing around. on verge of losing control. BUT STILL WAITING. becos afore-mentioned drunk girl has locked herself in toilet. for almost 20 mins. doing god knows what. bang on door. no response. get her friends to call her handphone. "ok. i've told her to hurry up and come out. sooo sorry ah!" after numerous calls, much door pounding, repeated apologies from her friends - she emerges. but just stands in the doorway. gah! finally led away by her boyfriend and friends after another minute of pulling and pushing.



any and all feelings of guilt felt due to earlier drunken-girl-falls-down incident entirely erased. replaced by irritation, frustration and twinges of anger. i know you're drunk. i sympathise. honestly, i do. but please. for pete's sake. there's only ONE bloody loo. do not barricade yourself inside for 20+ freaking minutes! have some courtesy, i beg you. ugh.

oh. and i would just like to add. i cant stand people who dangle their ciggies from their mouths while playing pool. take it out, dammit! ashtrays were invented for a purpose, y'know?! basic pool etiquette states no smoking over the table. havent you heard, numbskulls?! sigh.

look. i dunno why, ok. it just irks me. alot. :p

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

random strange thought

if i could be a man for one day. erm.

i would get a blowjob.

i'm curious. how does it feel for a guy when he gets one? one of those things that cant be described using words, i'm sure. which is why i would probably need to experience it. so that i can understand the male obsession with blowjobs.

i would get laid.

the pitcher versus the catcher. how different must it feel.

and so that i can look at it from a male viewpoint. perhaps then i will be able to fathom the great mystery about guys treating sex as "just sex" and "no feelings involved". whether its true, or just a load of bull.

just another of my strange thoughts that popped outta nowhere suddenly. i cant control my brain sometimes. i'm so weird. hmm.

AND NO. I DO NOT HAVE ANY "TENDENCIES" OR "ISSUES" WITH MY SEXUALITY. at least, not anymore, that is. heh. what can i say. adolescence. teenage angst. phases. exploration. experimentation. uncertainty. convent school. you get the idea lah.

i enjoy being female. having boobies (albeit small ones. boo!) has its distinct advantages. although PMS is a definite pain in the arse. ;p

4 days to go

susanne (who is my.. erm.. aunt? well, i call her "da-yi" anyway.) just messaged me. asking what's happening this saturday. i asked her what occasion it was. her reply? ""


i really have no idea what's on this weekend. havent planned anything. honest.

birthday, smurfday, shmuckday.


another year down the toilet. another year closer to the end of the road. another year less of life. another year closer to spinsterhood. (by the way, that last one was courtesy of my mother. who constantly harrasses me every chance she gets about getting married. blehh.)

i just hope that whatever i end up doing this weekend, i'll be happy. and that i won't have a massive hangover at the end of it all. heh.

P/S : i feel guilty about missing my exam today. yesh, i AM capable of feeling guilt. i do have a conscience after all! the amazing wonders of the world. learn something new everyday, eh? heh.

Monday, November 22, 2004

raising the white flag

i, eileen tracy david, do hereby declare that i officially surrender.

give up. run away.

got shot down by course co-ordinator earlier. under no circumstances whatsoever am i allowed to defer my exam a second time. nothing can be done. sorry. jump off a cliff. thanks. NEXT!

sigh. and so now, i am going to have to blow $410, re-enrol for the stupid subject, go through all the classes and project and test again, and take the stupid bloody goddamned exam.

becos i am NOT going for my paper tomorrow. no way in hell will i be sitting in that room come 9.30am tomorrow morning. not a chance.

that's rite. i'm waving the white flag. there's no point. 9pm. still have 5 chapters to go. still cant remember jackshit. on verge of bursting into tears. eyes so swollen from strain they've shrunk to half normal size. i kid you not.

and so. that ends the chapter on organisational behaviour. for now. must start tackling my corporate strategy text and notes for 30th november exam. shall not make same mistake of waiting till the last minute. determination! willpower! i shall prevail this time!

by the way. anyone kind enough willing to sponsor my re-enrollment fee? please?

omg. i just remembered. i have to re-enrol for my graduation project as well. which costs $160. bringing the total to $570. crap! where the hell am i gonna get that kinda cash?!

screwed. totally completely absolutely positively without a doubt chop stamp guarantee SCREWED.


4.15pm. 8 chapters down, 6 to go. still no memorising accomplished. cant remember jackshit.

17 hours 15 mins till doomsday.

am seriously beginning to consider alternative courses of action. shall call course co-ordinator in awhile to enquire about possibility to defer (again!).

not optimistic about chances of deferral approval. according to school rules, its not allowed and will have to pay $400+ to retake the subject again.

someone shoot me please.

12.45am. 5 chapters down, 9 more to go.


and that's just the reading. the memorising is a whole different ballgame. a different thing entirely.

extreme brain overload. mucho exceeding capacity. need rest. no time. have to report for work later in the morning. waste of bloody time.

omg. dying.

i hate you, wayne. stop rubbing salt in my wounds! blehh. but congrats on finishing your reviews. hope you found a suitable opening line. or did you just give up and use my suggestion? heh. shall give you the benefit of doubt. i'm sure you came up with an absolutely fantabulous line, all by yourself. :)

stress is a killer. i'm hungry again. craving for raymond's hot hot chilli. fried oyster. wait. i just lost my appetite. bah.

was supposed to meet B. tonite. pondering whether to go and relieve stress but feel guilty, or stay at home and feel sorry for myself but not guilty. problem solved, courtesy of B. who cancelled due to fatigue. yay? happy? not happy? relief? disappointment?

cant think straight. no room left for emotions at the moment. brain swimming with words and theories and definitions and whatnots. all of which dont make sense. mixed up and jumbled about. what is what is what?! so many theories, so little brain space! impossible to absorb, i tell you.

am going positively cross-eyed.

memorising without understanding? understanding without memorising? burning my textbook and drinking the ashes? banging my noggin with the damn book?

distractions abound. i'm not safe in the sanctuary of my own room under the roof of this hdb flat. noise is not conducive to studying. cigarettes are. yesh. most definitely. contemplating plonking my arse on the staircase in the corridor outside for the rest of the nite to study.

shall not sleep. am living a nitemare.

Sunday, November 21, 2004


6.20pm. still no studying done. ugh. one more wasted sunday afternoon, down the drain. remind me again - why the hell am i such a slacker? bah.

# note to self (part I) : drag extremely lazy fat arse off comfy inviting bed


edison chen as the host of mtv's whatever things. that boy is the definition of HOT HOT HOT.

oh man. all he has to do is smile and it drives me haywire. weak at the knees. dreamy dreamy dreamboat. swoonsome. i am in lust. *starry eyed*

perfection personified. *drool*

eminem's new song "just lose it" is so wonderful. and the music video is happening. he's so talented. genius!

# note to self (part II) : disconnect television and computer ASAP


have been reading john case's trance state today. interesting. his other books, the genesis code and the first horseman, were really good as well.

oh. and i just found out that john case is a pseudonym. the actual authors are a husband and wife team. isnt it difficult for 2 people to write a book together? i would think so, in any case. different styles and all that jazz.

# note to self (part III) : lock up / throw away / burn all storybooks


my mummy just came into my room.

mum : oi. what you want for dinner? you studying ah?

me (tearing gaze away from computer) : trying to. attempting to. failing miserably.

mum : aiyoh. you ah. look at your results. all As and Bs.. (remarks: she's implying that i have a certain standard to uphold and i better achieve it this time round as well.)

me (tearing hair out) : argh! stop reminding me!

mum : you better study ah!

me (on verge of throttling woman who carried me in womb for 9 months and gave me life) : ya lah ya lah! STOP REMINDING ME!

ugh. i give myself enough pressure about my results without my parents heaping anymore on me. :p

# note to self (part IV) : resist temptation to be humanised definition of one of seven deadly sins - SLOTH.


i need another smoke break. am really beginning to feel the stress building up. panic stations fully manned and operational. time waits for no man (or woman)! the clock is ticking. and i am still in a mental rut.

gahh! am beginning to understand how the chicken feels when its stuck in a pressure cooker when my mother prepares her double boiled herbal soups.

which, by the way, taste absolutely horrible. ultimate grossness. eeewww. and which, also, my mother insists on pouring down my poor throat. either by means of "loving motherly concern for my health/well-being/etc" or, when all else fails, "threats of harm to my bodily parts and/or ear piercing screaming and shouting".

now. cigarettes. my oxygen. nicotine addiction is bad, kids. blehh.

# note to self (part V) : desist from taking smoke breaks every 15 mins


7.05pm. i am screwed. left right center upside down SCREWED. ok. i need to start praying now. SAVE ME FROM THIS MISERY! ugh.

blah blah blah

bah. so much for my resolve to "wake up early and study study study!". which was what i promised myself i would do today after an extremely unproductive saturday spent wasting away in the confines of my room.

yesh. i did not study yesterday. even though i spent the entire day at home. i didnt even deign to flip open my books or skim through my notes. nope. but i did try, ok. honest to god, cross my heart, i really really did wanna study last nite. i even came as close as to switch off my tv and my computer and sit at my study table.

but then, i lost the mood. blehh. so after stoning at my table for 10 mins, trying to psycho myself to open my textbook, i gave up. bloody hell! i have absolutely no determination or willpower whatsoever. bah.

i should've just gone down to hups to meet the gang. but then, as i was telling sue, staying home allays my horrendously guilty conscience. how so? you see, at least i can (falsely!) reassure myself that even though i'm not studying, i'm at home and not out having fun. and i'l' feel better cos at least i know i'm physically close to my books. and i tell myself that i can always study after this post/tv show/movie/etc etc etc.

oh, woe is me. why am i such a hopeless horrid tremendously lazy-assed procrastinating bum?!

i spent the whole day yesterday playing on my computer, chatting to my friends on the phone, watching the telly, reading my storybooks, dozing, staring into space, smoking in the corridor.. anything and everything but the one thing i was supposed to do.

and then, i got tired. and i went to sleep around 1am, with the solid determination to wake bright and early today and spend the entire sunday studying.

bah. BAH!

well, at least i did wake up early. 10am. but then i went back to sleep again. until 12pm. then i read the papers. and smoked. and talked to my mummy. and stared into space awhile. and read a magazine while i snacked on yesterday's leftover french fries (gross, i know. :p) and then i decided to switch on my comp for abit. which brings me to where i am now.

2.30pm. sunday. 21st november. 2 days away from my exam. and absolutely ZERO studying.


you know, if i spent just half the effort and consistency and commitment i had for blogging on my studies, i'd have probably gotten my masters by now. or at least completed a degree course. blehh.

and i just remembered that my main purpose of blogging today was actually to talk about singapore idol and the grand finals and olinda getting ousted and the sylvester's parents scandal. but as usual, i got carried away. like a leaf floating in the wind. bloody hell! i'm so goddamned "floaty"! so i shall have to talk about that tomorrow. or later today. heh.

for now, i'm gonna take a smoke break then i am REALLY gonna study. *crosses my fingers, toes and eyes that i make it this time*

wish me luck... ;)

Saturday, November 20, 2004

i am so dead

i am so extremely screwed. die die die die die. how? can someone please invent a mchine or something that can turn back time? i'm in serious need now.

my exam is on tuesday. 23rd november. which is in like, less than 3 days away. to be exact, my paper is in 59 hours and 45 mins.

i havent started my revision yet!! but at least i found my books and my notes. they were somewhere in the deep recesses of one of my numerous cupboards, hidden behind a pile of my junk. heh. the value i place on education, eh? blehh.

i really need to start studying. but i cant get into the mood. eh. these kind of things must have mood one lor. if not, no matter how hard you try also you wont be able to devote yourself fully to it. correct? of course lah. i speak logic what.


the excuses i come up with. amaze even myself sometimes.

i am seriously going to crash and burn on tuesday. please prepare my funeral, dear friends. i would like to request one of those void deck wakes. so that at least my friends (especially my best friend - brandon, the mahjong freak) can spend the time playing mahjong while mourning for me..

ok ok. i joke i joke. cannot play play with things like this. i dont particularly wanna tempt death or anything. i'm too young to die! really, i am! i wanna live a ripe old age and have many many children and grandchildren! or at least stay alive until my liver and/or my lungs and/or any other body part finally succumb to the poisons and abuse i have been heaping on them. heh.

ugh. and i still havent told anyone about this new blog yet. except scott. *shhh. its my own lil secret private place.

yeah, rite. its on the world fucking wide web. private, my biohazard arse. more like the furthest opposite pole of "private" you can find. but then again, who would actually bother reading my silly rants about my worthless, miserable existence? other than my dearest, lovely, wonderful friends, of course. hee.

i'm hungry. waiting for my daddy to tapao burger king for us. its already 10pm, and there's no food. goodness. i'm gonna die of starvation very soon. h-u-n-g-r-y.. n-e-e-d.. f-o-o-d.. f-e-e-d.. m-e.. p-l-e-a-s-e.. ugh..


laydees and gents. may i have your attention please.


so what are you getting me for my birthday? huh huh huh huh huh?

what what what what what??

ok. now that i have made things VERY VERY CLEAR for you ah, scotty, you cannot bua bodoh already, pretend pretend ah... say you dunno if my blog talking about you or other people..


my god. i'm so bloody thick skinned. yesh, i fully realise it. :p

anyway. HOW CAN YOU FORGET WHAT I GOT YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY LAST YEAR?? idiot. and you use it everyday somemore. wah lau eh. liddat call friend.

and i am NOT becoming more and more naggy! blehh. :p :p :p but it's true that you're becoming more and more kuai lan. hee.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

my new home!

ok. so i have moved my blog to this new address. why? becos of something that happened with the old blog that pissed me off, big time.

if you're gonna ask me what happened, DON'T BOTHER. i dont wanna talk about it anymore.

so, anyhow.

like my template? i think it's kinda cute. a change from the darkish ones i used to use, rite? i had to fiddle with it quite abit to get it to fit my tastes, tho'.

i wanted to create a template from scratch, but its kinda hard cos i dont have photoshop. besides, its just too much work! i'm a lazy ass, remember? heh. maybe the next template. if i have the time and the mood, that is. :p

i'm still deciding if i should transfer all my old posts over here from the old blog. seems like a shitload of effort. maybe i'll just leave them there. but then i dont feel comfortable that way. kinda like leaving half of myself behind. blehh.

oh. and i switched to doodleboard. i'm sick and tired and absolutely fed up with tagboard constantly screwing up and crap like that. its been offline for 2 days already! bah.

and now, i'm gonna go eat my dinner. starved! i'm down to one meal a day again. dunno why my appetite's gone wonky. oh well, at least i can lose some weight this way. always look for the silver lining, eh? haha.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

There's always that one person
that will always have your heart
You never see it coming
'cause you're blinded from the start
I know that you're that one for me
It's clear for everyone to see
Oooh baby, you will always be my boo

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

still twiddling about

i still havent found my books n notes yet. then again, i havent exactly been trying very hard. :p *sigh* the internet is bloody addictive. harmful. tsk. now i know wat they mean when they say "the dangers of the internet"..



in fact, its in 11 days to be precise. yay? dunno. should i be happy? excited? eager? should i be beside myself with anticipation? should i be counting down the days?

then why is it that when i start thinking about my birthday, the first words that come to mind are "bummer me"..

i honestly do not know if i'm looking forward to the (cursed? blessed?) day. i still have no idea how i'm gonna be celebrating. or even if i'm gonna celebrate it at all.

i wanted to go for a holiday, but my (extremely empty) wallet doesnt allow me to. i suppose i could always go out and get pissed drunk once again. but i really dont feel like spending my birthday this year getting smashed.

so what should i do? i know. i wont celebrate. yup! sounds like a good idea, doncha think? wont make much of a diff either way. especially since i have to mug for my exam.

someone promised me something for my birthday. something that i've really really really wanted for a looong time. something that i've always thought beyond my reach. my fantasy item. will i get it? i dunno. i dont think so lah. i'm not getting my hopes up. better to expect nothing at all than to expect the world and end up crashing down to earth when it doesnt materialize. rite?

besides, i've been promised something else. and i must say that i'd much rather have this second thing than the first one. so much more meaningful. to me, at least.

am i confusing you? never mind. i think i'm confusing myself. bah.

so what do i really want for my birthday? quite simple actually. what i've always wanted. my friends and loved ones to remember and to be by my side. oh. and money's always good. bwahahaha ;p

twiddle-dee-dee, twiddle-dee-dum

ha. i am HOME. as in not working. as in not in the corporate prison. as in FREE. WOOHOO!! pop the champagne, laydees n gents! bwahahahaha!

so wat am i doing at home on this lovely tuesday afternoon? when i am supposed to be slogging my ass off in the horrid confines of my office?

mmm. i dunno. i'm SUPPOSED to be studying. i took leave today cos i need to bury my nose in my dusty, neglected textbooks n notes.

BUT. i have a small, teeny weeny lil problem. and until i solve this silly lil issue, i cant study.


oh dear. i think i chucked them into one of the corners of my room a few months ago. but it seems like the earth has opened up and swallowed them whole. they are GONE. gone, i tell you. *poof* disappeared. vanished.

i've literally turned my entire room upside down, inside out. but still, they elude me. how liddat?? and i am starting to get all jittery and panicky and kan-cheongy.

my exams are in around the corner! i am so screwed, once again. why oh why oh why do i ALWAYS procrastinate? i think i should change my middle name.


yesh. i think that name suits me perfectly. me, summed up in 3 lil words. story of my life. bah.

*groan* HELP!

23rd november - organisational behaviour exam
30th november - corporate strategy exam

dammit! my first paper's NEXT BLOODY FREAKIN WEEK. and i have conveniently misplaced my books n notes.

one word.


and once again, my birthday is screwed. becos i have to STUDY. blehh. for the past few years, i have had to spend my birthdays with the shadow of exams hanging over the supposed happy festivities.

nabeh. cb.

of cos, had i taken my papers the first time round, a few months ago, instead of throwing m.c. and thereby deferring the inevitable, i wouldnt be in this predicament now. yes yes yes.

well, its a bit too BLOODY LATE for regrets now, isnt it?! :p me and my big fat lazy arse. i am such an absolute bum.

see, i know my faults! i dont deny it.

eh. self-realisation is one step closer to nirvana. now all i have to do is handle the self-actualisation part and i'm all set for enlightenment.

hmm. shouldnt be that difficult, doncha think? i mean, all i have to do is quit being such a slacker.

erm. on second thoughts. scratch that idea. the very suggestion of me NOT being a slacker is unthinkable. its undo-able. impossible. perish the thought. heh. (n.)

1. One who shirks work or responsibility: "In terms of their outlook on the future, slackers regard tomorrow with a studied cynicism or... don't even conceive of one" (Julie Caniglia).
2. One who tries to evade military service in wartime; a draft dodger.

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